What He Must Be
(2025 Draft)

Origin Story of This Document

First of all this document is still in the
"VERY ROUGH DRAFT PHASE"
even though I started creating building this document since late 2017. So please forgive the roughness and unrefined state of this document.
Picture young Hunter McWilliams as a hormonal teenage biological male in middle school who really badly wanted to get married. That's where this story begins. I had more than enough sense back then to know you shouldn't start dating until you are ready to get married. I was extremely blessed to have grown up in a very solid christian household where my parents, especially my dad, were very intentional with raising me up in the way I should go. So I started asking myself and others what is the minimum qualifications a young man needs to meet in order be "ready" to start this adventure we call dating; so that I can get married of course! I searched for a very long time to find a document that would explain what I needed to "be" in order to be "ready" or "qualify" to start dating and eventually marry from a biblical christian perspective.
I never found any document like what I was looking for..........
Voddie Buachum wrote a great book on this exact subject but I wanted a precise checklist type document. So after searching and not finding, I went directly to the source, God's Word, in order to create my own document.
To reiterate this is document you're about to read is still in the "very rough draft phase" and needs a lot of additional work, so please keep that in mind as you continue reading. I'll probably need another decade or so before I'll be ready to legitimately publish this in any official way. I now use this document as a reminder for myself of what I am striving to be as a biblical godly man, husband, father, and friend. I also use this document as a syllabus of sort to disciple young men. And hopefully someday in the future I will be using this document to judge a potential suitor of my daughter/s, Lord willing.

Summary

1. He must be a true born again believer in Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 7:39, Duet. 7:3-4)2. He must be striving to be as sexually pure as possible. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, Psalm 119:37, Mathew 5:28)
👇🏻What this looks like👇🏻
a. My own personal standard for myself and my family is that you must be a virgin until you are married. This is my own personal conviction for myself as a man and for my own family, it is not 100% necessary for all men according to God’s Word because we have forgiveness in Jesus (BUT it is a GOOD thing to desire!)
b. He must have an older man, who has had success with conquering sexual sin, holding him accountable for his sexual sin. You may need daily accountability. This will be a matter of discernment.
c. He should also have many layers of accountability in his life.
Examples of what this could/should look like below.
- Actively involved in a solid local Church
- Godly Christ-Like friends around him
- Accountability softwares on his technology attached to an accountability partner
- Being discipled by an older more mature man
- Discipling a younger less mature man
- Reading God’s Word constantly
- Talking/Praying with God constantly about this particular area3. He must understand the biblical why of marriage.
a. Picture (Ephesians 5:22-32)
b. Partnership (Genesis 2:18)
c. Procreation (Genesis 1:28)
d. Purity (1 Corinthians 7:2)
e. Provision (1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25-29, 1 Timothy 5:8)
f. Pleasure (Proverbs 5:18-19)4. He must understand what it means to be a godly
1. Christian/Neighbor
2. Husband
3. Father
More on these below ⬇️

Christian/Neighbor

1. He must understand and trust in the One/True Gospel of Jesus Christ AND be able to communicate it clearly with scripture.a. All have sinned. (Romans 3:10-20,23, Ephesians 2:1-3, Jeremiah 17:9, Romans 5:12)b. All deserve eternal punishment in hell for sinning against The One & Only Eternal Triune God of the universe. (Revelation 21:8, Mathew 21:41-46, Mathew 10:28, Romans 6:23, Revelation 20:11-15, 2 Thessalonians 1:8-9, Mathew 27:50)c. BUT! The “Good News” is, 👇🏻. (Ephesians 2:8-10, Romans 10:9, Romans 3:22,24,26, Romans 5:1)d. If you acknowledge that you are a sinner deserving eternal punishment.e. Acknowledge that Jesus Christ is God. That He became a Man, lived a perfect life, then died on the cross and rose on the third day for the sins of those who trust in Him for the forgiveness of their sins.f. Repent/turn away from your sins.g. Ask Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins against Him/God. Therefore placing your hope/faith/trust in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sin.h. Then you will be saved from hell, forgiven of all your sin (past, present, and future) & so much more!i. After these ☝🏻 you should have a changed life and start producing good fruit.2. He must understand that his primary and ultimate purpose in life is to glorify God. He must have an intense desire to glorify God in absolutely literally 100% everything at all times. (1 Corinthians 10:31, Mathew 5:14-16)3. He must be plugged into and connected with a solid biblical local church body. (Hebrews 10:25)4. He must believe that the Bible is the inspired, inerrant, authoritative and completely sufficient Word of God. (2 Timothy 3:16-17, Psalm 119)5. He must be one who studies God’s Word often. For his own personal sanctification and for him to be prepared for God to use him as a tool to sanctify others including his future wife, future children, & future disciples. (2 Timothy 2:15, 3:16-17, Joshua 1:8, Psalm 119, 1 Peter 3:15)6. He must have a solid understanding of the love of God. (Ephesians 5:25, Colossians 3:19)
a. LOVE (Definition 👉🏻 “An action of the will, towards an object/Person, that is for the true ultimate benefit of the object/Person, usually by sacrificing something.”)
b. This understanding applies to love in all contexts. Including the Husband and Father categories.
c. It is not possible to do the action of love properly and consistently without having a true and “somewhat” complete understanding of what love really is.
d. How can a man love anyone if he does not understand what love is?
e. How can he love his wife as Christ loves His bride if he doesn’t even have a solid understanding of Christ’s “love”?7. He must be a disciple maker, period. (Mathew 28:18-20, 2 Timothy 2:2, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Titus 2:1-2)
a. Everyone is commanded to make disciples!
b. You must always start out as a Timothy and eventually become a Paul and then you should always be both a Paul and Timothy the rest of your life.
c. If you do not already have experience making disciples then you are not ready to have a wife. Because your wife should become your primary disciple that you spend the most time with after you get married.8. He must have a solid understanding of the Sovereignty of God. (Proverbs 16:33, Lamentations 3:37-39, Acts 2:23, Acts 4:27-28, Romans 8:28, Ephesians 2:8-10)
a. Sovereignty of God/ “The idea that God is in control of absolutely everything. And that absolutely nothing happens apart from His decretive will.”
b. This doctrine of God has more real life application than most other doctrines in my opinion.
c. This is a very difficult doctrine to understand and actually apply to your life because of our pride as humans.
d. Most people suppress the reality of this juicy doctrine/truth! Because they want to believe in their own sovereignty/control over their destiny/decisions.9. He must strive to not be anxious about anything. (Philippians 4:6-7, Mathew 6:25-34, James 4:13-17)10. He must be a man who has a passion for and absolutely loves truth. This love should also create a hatred for falsehood. (Ephesians 4:25, Psalm 119:104, proverbs 13:5, Colossians 3:9, proverbs 12:22, Exodus 23:1)11. He must have a high degree of integrity and trustworthiness. (Proverbs 10:9, 11:3, 19:1, 20:7, 28:6, 28:18, Ephesians 4:25, Colossians 3:9, Titus 2:7)12. He must have a tenacious desire to learn/gain/grow in truth, knowledge, understanding, & wisdom. (Proverbs 1, 2, & 3, Romans 12:2, Colossians 3:10, James 1:5)13. He must be someone who prays/communicates with God very often. To help you quantify this. You should be in prayer multiple times a day, throughout the day, every single day. (Philippians 4:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)14. He must strive to be humble at all times. (1 Peter 5:5, Philippians 2,
a. Humility (Definition 1 👉🏻 “Having a True/Accurate/Correct view of one’s own selfhood, this includes one’s own importance, abilities, status, role, position, strengths and weaknesses etc.”
b. Humility (Definition 2 👉🏻 “Considering others more important than yourself.”15. He must be characterized as a peaceful man. Not contentious, quarrelsome, pugnacious, or wanting to cause strife amongst people in an evil way or for unnecessary purposes. (Matthew 5:9, Romans 12:17-21, 2 Timothy 2:24-25, Hebrews 12:14-15, 1 Peter 3:8-12, Proverbs 21:27)
a. This does not mean he must be everyone’s best friend. This means that he strives to have friendly/peaceful relationships with everyone. Also this must never be at the cost of righteousness, truth, or justice. He should never turn a blind eye to sin, wickedness, unrighteousness, or injustice.16. He must decide to become a man of deep conviction. He must know what he believes, why he believes it, and be able to clearly articulate/communicate it to others. So that he will not stray from the truth in hard times. He must be willing to defensively fight for his convictions. Both verbally as well as physically. (1 Peter 3:13-17, 1 Timothy 5:8)17. He must be a biblically masculine man of strength. Too many men these days have decided to be castrated and feminized by our society/culture/world. (1 Corinthians 16:13-14, Judges 13, 14, 15)
a. The general main problem, root cause, issue, culprit is “Man’s Sinful Desire”.
b. Specific problems called out that stem from man’s sinful desire.
- Feminism
- The idea that women should be the same as men in all respects.
- Entertainment addiction
- Video Games
- Pornagraphy
- Social Media
- Movies and TV shows
- Legalism
- Believing that works save you
- Adding to the law and what God requires
- Mass of passivity examples
- 4 Tenets of Biblical Manhood (Raising A Modern Day Knight)
1. Reject passivity
2. Accept responsibility
3. Lead courageously
4. Expect a greater reward in heaven
- Douglas Wilson’s definition of masculinity
> “The glad assumption of sacrificial responsibility.”<18. He must understand & decide what his priorities should be as a believer in Jesus Christ.
a. #1 God
b. #2 His wife
c. #3 His Children
d. #4 His Work + Ministry responsibilities/opportunities
e. #5 His neighbor/friends
- There is a very very fine balance in the way these play out practically while living life. It is impossible to keep God as your highest priority without loving and also providing for your wife and kids. So he must strive to have a biblical godly wise balance with his priorities.

Husband

1. The reason he should desire to be married is because God has awakened a strong, educated, and informed desire in him to want to glorify God in this specific capacity.a. This desire for marriage must be a “balanced” desire. Meaning he must desire everything that comes with being a godly biblical married man. Including all the responsibilities and ramifications of marriage. NOT just one or two.b. It would be wrong and sinful for him to desire to be married strictly to have sex with his wife. Yet not desire to provide for his wife and future children AND to do discipleship his wife, washing her with the Word AND have children, Lord willing AND to raise those children with his wife.2. He must be willing to love his wife just as Christ loved/loves His Church. (Ephesians 5:25, Colossians 3:19)3. He must have a desire to empower and build up his wife so that she can glorify God to the max, according to God’s prescriptive will/desire. (Ephesians 5:25-29)4. He must be willing to put his wife before himself. (Philippians 2:3-5, Ephesians 5:25, 1 Corinthians 13:5)5. He must be willing to devote the rest of his life to discipling his wife by washing her with the Word of God. (Ephesians 5:26)6. He must be willing to fulfill his wife’s sexual desires/needs. (1 Corinthians 7:3)
a. This point is about him meeting her sexual needs/desires. Not his own. Men and women are very different when it comes to sexual intimacy.
b. He must have a desire to learn what fulfills his wife’s sexual desires and needs.
c. None of this should take place until after him and her get married.
ABSOLUTELY ZERO SEXUAL INTIMACY/EXPRESSION BEFORE MARRIAGE!
d. All forms of sexual expression outside of a marriage covenant, is sin. A.K.A. fornication or adultery.7. He must be willing to live with his wife in an understanding way. This means he should seek to get to know and understand his wife more and more and more and MORE and MORE! Know her likes and her dislikes. So that he can better serve/love her. (1 Peter 3:5)8. He must be willing to be a Provider. A provider in many ways, NOT only financially.
(!!!!!!>>READ ALL SUB POINTS<<!!!!!!)
a. Our ultimate example of what a provider looks like is Jesus Christ. Jesus provides in every way for His Bride the Church. The Church is never described as “Provider” for Jesus. (Psalm 54:4, 1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25, 1 Timothy 5:8, 1 Corinthians 11:3)
b. ☝🏻This OBVIOUSLY DOES NOT MEAN a man’s wife will NEVER PROVIDE ANYTHING☝🏻
c. His wife is OBVIOUSLY going to be providing tons and tons of things in their relationship> counsel, wisdom, children, support, intimacy, her strengths where he is weak, and the list goes on and on and on.
d. The above point is simply describing the general biblical principle that Jesus is always characterized as the Provider, not His bride.
e. Before he can do this he must calculate and understand what it is going to cost to be married. There are many more costs than just monetary costs. Here is a list of the costs I am referring to below. (Luke 14:25-33, <<<<<<insert more verses later>>>>>>)
1. Spiritual
2. Time
3. Verbal
4. Physical
5. Mental
6. Emotional
7. Personal
8. Relational
9. Financial
f. He must be willing to do righteous work/efforts in such a way that his work/efforts alone provides monetarily for his family’s basic needs. (1 Timothy 5:8, Titus 2:5)
g. So that there is ZERO unnecessary pressures placed on his wife to provide for the family’s basic financial needs. If she has to work to support her husband/family financially then it is likely that her work/efforts will distract her from her primary responsibilities. Namely being a home maker/manager, child raiser and/or helper of her husband in other areas.
h. Just as Jesus Christ is the provider for His bride the Church. So should the Husband be the provider for his Bride. The head of the body is given that responsibility always in scripture. (Matthew 6:30-33, Philippians 4:19,
i. This does not mean that the woman cannot or should not “make money” by doing > “fill in the blank”. To believe that would grossly contradict Proverbs 31.
j. An excellent wife is a wise/prudent steward of the time/resources/skills/talents that she has been blessed with and put in charge of by God and her husband.
k. If the wife is excelling at her primary responsibilities of home making/managing, child raising and duties to her husband. She is therefore free and expected to do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING her and her husband decide is wise & righteous for the glory of God! For example working at a reasonably safe job to make extra money, working in or running a particular ministry, or running a business/side hustle, etc.......
ADDITIONAL WORDS OF CAUTION!
l. There is great danger in having your wife in an environment that places her primarily around other men. Especially if it is a secular ungodly environment.
m. There is danger in having your wife in a work environment where she is required to submit to other men.
n. There can be danger in your wife having or holding authority over other men. Because she can then come home and bring that mindset of having authority over her husband.
o. Your wife should be becoming more and more attached and grafted into you & vice versa. Creating more and more relational bonds with YOU! There are many opportunities for a woman to create unhealthy relational bonds with other men if she is placed in an environment where she is primarily interacting with other men. (This can become especially dangerous if she is working alongside other godly men who might be more godly and more sanctified than her own husband!)
p. There is a kind of relationship where the woman is providing primarily for the family. There is great danger and temptation in that for both her and her husband.
q. So in conclusion, execute biblical wisdom & discernment please.9. He must be willing to be a protector. (1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25, Colossians 3:19,)
a. Spiritually
b. Physically
c. Emotionally
d. Relationally10. Since he and his wife are true real christians/believers. He must NOT be willing to divorce his wife EVER for any reason PERIOD……. (1 Corinthians 7:11, Hosea 1-14, Mathew 19:3-6)11. He must maintain a healthy temple/body so that he can fulfill all of his duties and responsibilities as a Husband. And fulfill them with excellence! (Ephesians 5:28-29, 1 Timothy 5:8, 1 Corinthians 10:31)